So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
