well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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