My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
