so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
