Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
