i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
