Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This is the high leading the old right now
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
