So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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