I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Found your dick twin last night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
