I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
