thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
