But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
