i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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