I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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