I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
