When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
