ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
