I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
