my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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