Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
