You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Can I color on your dick again?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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