I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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