You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
