im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
