I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You are the jesus of drinking
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
His nipple licking is glorious
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