mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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