dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
