Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He kissed a someone with a penis
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
