i jhust puked up my retainher.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
