At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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