I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
smell my finger.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
