The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He told me they were just razor bumps!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
