And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
