Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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