got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
