Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize