She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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