When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
birth control should be required to get into college
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
