Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
