I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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