Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
