you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize