I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize