in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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