i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
