I have demons in me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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