My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
