I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
