bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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