I cockslap morals
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize