32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
