I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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