She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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