Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
