Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I need a burrito and a hug.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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