i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
