i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
