So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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