Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
