does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
