I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
