haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I hope mine doesn't look like that
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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