Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
