You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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