ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
