Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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