it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
