Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
