I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
